


Consuetudines Antiquae (Ancient Traditions)

by Arthur Autumn (Arthur_Autumn)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Adventures, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Bittersweet Ending, Comedy, Elf Harry, Human Louis, M/M, Prince Harry Styles, Prince Louis Tomlinson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-23 23:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7484502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arthur_Autumn/pseuds/Arthur%20Autumn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobody knew how, when or why it started, but that princes had to go out and save princesses whom they would then marry was an ancient tradition that was just as expected as the falling leaves in autumn. As with many other ancient traditions, nobody really questioned the logic behind this.</p>
<p>Every prince from every kingdom was expected to go through this quest and prince Louis of Cavoie was no exception.</p>
<p>(Or: Louis and Harry are princes from rival kingdoms and are trying to save a princess to marry her. Problem is, they keep bumping into each other trying to save the same one. Cue their poor squires Liam and Niall having to put up with all their masters' fighting and bickering while the princesses wonder if they're better off marrying the dragon/troll/witch/et cetera.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Consuetudines Antiquae (Ancient Traditions)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Drunk_Scribbler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drunk_Scribbler/gifts).



> Written as part of the HL Fantasy and Sci-Fi Fanfiction Exchange.
> 
> Original prompt:
> 
> "Harry and Louis are both princes from rival kingdoms, and are on a literal quest for their own fairytale. Problem is, they keep arriving at the Dragon's Tower, Troll's Bridge, or Witch's house at the same time, every goddamn time. And they are two busy fighting/bickering with each other to free the actual princesses. Oopsie."

_27 th of Prairial, 996_

Nobody knew how, when or why it started, but that princes had to go out and save princesses whom they would then marry was an ancient tradition that was just as expected as the falling leaves in autumn. As with many other ancient traditions, nobody really questioned the logic behind this. Well, except maybe for the Festival of the Beating of the Bishops, but then again only the bishops complained about it. The rest just went along with it, really.

Every prince from every kingdom—except for the Queendom of Galieza, where it was the other way around and the princesses had to rescue poor princes in distress if they wanted to become queens one day—was expected to go through this quest and prince Louis of Cavoie was no exception. However, he had some big shoes to fill: his father the king, then a young prince just like him, had not only saved his mother from the lair of a horrific red dragon, but at the same time had recovered an ancient relic and saved the town from which the dragon had been stealing cattle from the past three decades. Louis, being the competitive young lad he was, wanted to do something even greater than his father. And if the princess was a beauteous lass, that would be even better.

He rode his horse through the kingdom, accompanied only by Liam, his trusty squire and childhood friend, waiting for his opportunity to prove himself. _Maybe the classic kidnapper dragon,_ he thought at first, but no. It was too clichéd and he did not want to do the same thing his father had done. _What about a troll? Nah, too smelly. Vampires? Nah, there are not as many of them these days. Hags? They don’t keep the victims they kidnap, they eat them, so that’s probably a no._

He kept thinking and thinking until they found themselves in front of a dense forest.

‘What forest is this, Liam?’ the prince asked.

‘Sire,’ said the other, ‘if I’m reading the map correctly, this must be the Forest of Anpool.’

‘Anything of interest inside?’

‘Well, deep in it we should find the Necropolis of Anpool. Dreadful place.’

‘Infested with ghouls and zombies?’

‘Very likely, sire.’

Louis’ smile became bigger and bigger. ‘Perfect! Come on, Liam. Let’s go!’

Liam sighed. Typical of his master: he was so eager to find an adventure that he did not think about his poor squire. What if Liam did not want to go to an oversized cemetery overran by the undead? This, by the way, was exactly how the poor boy was feeling about all this. He had no option, however, but to follow his sire wherever he went, and so he clicked his tongue to make his horse move and follow the prince into the forest.

After some hours travelling, they arrived to a little lake and decided to have a short break there.

‘We shall continue tomorrow morning,’ said the prince, which greatly pleased his companion. ‘Be a good boy and prepare us some food, will you?’

‘Yes, sire,’ Liam said as he unpacked some things from the horses.

Louis took off his armour—he always rode with it on, just in case—and looked at the lake.

‘Know what?’ he said. ‘I think I’m gonna go for a swim. Call me when dinner’s ready.’

‘You sure, sire? What if there’s something in the water?’

‘Oh, come on, Liam! The only thing I may find here are some mermaids and that’d actually make my day.’

The prince started to undress while his squire muttered something he did not quite catch, but it sounded a bit like ‘mermaids are sea creatures, you idiot,’ but obviously Liam would not dare to insult his master, right? Of course he would not.

Leaving all of his clothes carefully folded by the side of the lake, Louis felt his weariness melt away as he sank into the cool water. He then decided to go for a swim, get himself slightly away from the squire—not that he hated the lad, but honestly, Louis felt like he really liked to piss on his parade sometimes—and Gods, it felt so good to be alone for a couple of minutes.

However, he was not alone for long. After spending some time swimming and then letting his body float in the water, he heard some noises in the water. He turned around just in time to see someone bathing in the water. He could only see the person’s back, but judging by the long, wet, waving hair, it had to be a maiden. And oh, what a maiden! Even without seeing her face prince Louis knew she had to be gorgeous. I mean, the Gods would not be so cruel as to create such a nice looking lady and then give her the face of a hobgoblin, would they?

_Maybe,_ he thought, _this might be the princess I’m meant to save._ He looked around, expecting some kind of monster—a kelpie, a hydra, anything—to save her from it, but everything looked alright. Maybe he would get to save her later. _For now,_ he thought, _I shall introduce myself to her. Oh, but what if she thinks I’m some kind of perverted Peeping Tom? That would be positively unfortunate! No, I shall approach carefully so I don’t get an accidental peek of her bosom._ Thus, he swam silently to a side of the river, hiding behind a reed bed, before he actually greeted the maiden. ‘Excuse me, milady, if by any chance I may embarrass you by coming out of the blue like this, though I can assure you I have only been blessed by the sight of your back and nothing more, and yet I want to—‘

‘What the feic was that?!’ a male voice in a thick Sylvan accent interrupted.

Prince Louis was left dumbfounded by the appearance of the voice. Maybe its owner was one of the lady’s manservants? But why would a fine lady have a male servant attending her during her bath?

The sound of another manlier and slower voice left him even more confused. ‘Niall, please, I’ve told you I don’t like it when you swear.’

_What on Earth_ , Louis thought. He did not like the second voice’s accent. It was, without a doubt, a Grafordian citizen.

The second voice now was directed in his direction. ‘Who is there? Show yourself.’ It was not an intimidating order and in fact sounded more like a request. Like, it sounded like his owner would not really blame Louis if he did not show and instead ran away. The prince did not like this. Why would a lady have two men with her?

Curious, Louis stepped out of the reed bed and looked, expecting to see the maiden. What he found instead was a man—well, actually an elf, but an unusual tall one, so he did not realise until he saw the pointy ears—standing where the lady had been. He soon realised that it was the man’s hair and back he had seen, and not a lady’s.

‘Who are you?’ they both asked almost at the same time.

‘I asked first,’ said the naked man with long hair.

‘Excuse me, but I asked first.’

‘Oh for feic sake,’ said the other voice, which, Louis now saw, belonged to another elf, this one blond, pale and shorter.

‘Niall, language,’ said the other.

‘But sire, what if he’s an assassin hired by yer enemies?’

‘Since when do assassins attack in the nude?’

The servant was going to protest, but said nothing. His master actually had a good point there.

‘So,’ the naked elf continued, ‘who are you, stranger who talks with invisible ladies?’ The blond elf suppressed a laugh.

Louis frowned. He did not like being laughed at, so he answered, making sure he sounded as royal and authoritative as possible. ‘I am Louis of House Tomlinson, crown prince of Cavoie. Now, I demand your name, elf.’ Now that should teach them.

However, his words did not have the effect he expected. Instead of apologising and imploring his majesty mercy, the elves looked rather annoyed.

‘Sorry,’ said the naked one, ‘crown prince of where?’

‘Of the Kingdom of Cavoie,’ Louis said proudly. ‘The greatest kingdom that has ever existed on the surface of Earth.’ The elves were silent for a solid second before they started to laugh hysterically. What on Earth was wrong with elves these days? ‘Now, what’s so funny?’

The blond elf, the one the naked one has referred to as Niall, was the first one to be able to speak between laughs. ‘Best kingdom, he says!’ More laughs. ‘What an eejit!’

‘Oi!’ Louis was starting to get annoyed at the two strangers. I mean, who did they think they were, laughing at a prince of such calibre as him? ‘Either you stop at once or I shall have your head for this insubordination.’

The taller elf just about got himself to stop laughing enough to answer the prince’s words. ‘Is that a threat?’ he asked with a cheeky smile.

‘Well, making fun of a member of the royal family—and not just any member, but _the crown prince_ himself—does count as high treason, so it’s actually a warning.’

‘Good,’ the other said, ‘because threatening the prince of a kingdom you’ve entered without permission is also high treason, so maybe _I’ll_ have your head.’

_Wait, what?_

‘I beg your pardon?’

Before that pretentious elf could answer, good old Liam decided to make his much needed appearance.

‘Sire!’ he said. ‘I was calling for you, but I couldn’t find you. I thought— Oh. Hi there.’ He greeted the two elves and they waved back. ‘Who are they, sire?’

‘That’s exactly what I’d like to know so I can send their arses to the gallows!’

‘Sire!’ said Liam, horrified at his master’s sudden lack of manners.

‘Hey, watch yer tongue!’ said the smaller elf. He may use foul language with others, but gods help him if anyone disrespected his sire.

‘Don’t talk to his majesty like that, you... you little man!’ Liam was never good at comebacks.

Before the two servants could get themselves into an argument, the naked elf raised a hand to make them stop. ‘Calm down, gentlemen.’ He then looked at Louis. ‘I take it you have no idea of who I am or where you are, am I correct?’

Louis snorted. ‘Of course I know where I am! This is the Manpoll Forest. Right, Liam?’

‘Forest of Anpool, sire,’ Liam corrected.

‘Manpoll, Anpool, tomaytoe, tomahtoe, who gives a hoot? As for who you are, why should it concern me, peasant?’

‘Me God, he _is_ thick,’ said the blond.

‘Well, it _should_ concern you, Mr prince, because I am, in fact, Harry of House Styles. In other words, crown prince of Graford. Which, by the way, is where you are right now.’

There was a short silence interrupted only by Liam’s ‘Oh, shite…’

Bit of context here: the Kingdom of Cavoie and the Arcane Kingdom of Graford had been enemies ever since the former outlawed magic and persecuted its practitioners. Graford, being a country as rich and rooted in the arcane tradition as it was, never took it very well that their neighbours tried to come with their inquisitions and witch hunters and tell them what they should do. This started a series of devastating wars between them that affected both kingdoms to the point where, even after Cavoie calmed its tits and realised that magic and sorcerers were not inherently evil, it was impossible for both cultures to get along with each other.

Therefore, it was comprehensible that both princes immediately hated each other even if they had never met before.

Louis snorted again. ‘Well, no wonder I thought you were a woman. What kind of prince has long, wavy hair like that? Elves. Am I right, Liam?’ The squire, who had never really had anything in particular against their neighbours, completely agreed with him—even if only because they had disrespected his master. Also, he did agree that elven men looked too feminine for his liking.

‘Excuse me,’ prince Harry protested, ‘but long hair is the latest in fashion. All the girls love it. And if we’re going to talk about femininity, you may want to check those curves of yours first. Perfect for birthing babies, I reckon.’

Niall the manservant lost it here. This was why he loved to work for his master: he lived for the prince’s sassy remarks. Had he known how to read, he could have written a whole book filled with all of the burns his sire had delivered through the years and earn his own weight in gold.

‘Hey! I don’t have curves! It’s all pure muscle!’ Louis had always been really conscious about his body, especially his curvy shape and shorter height, so he hated when people pointed them out.

‘And have all those muscles gone to your hind quarters, perchance?’ said the elven prince, making his squire laugh even harder.

Louis’ face got redder and redder as the two elves laughed, not paying any attention whatsoever to Liam’s protests. The human prince’s honour had been sullied and he was not going to allow those stupid Grafordians—royalty or not—to keep making fun of him.

‘Liam!’ he called as he got out of the water. ‘We’re leaving!’ The elves kept calling him names, but at this point Louis was trying to act as if he were not hearing any of it.

‘But I’ll get dark soon, sire…’

‘I don’t care! Let’s go to that Nepocrolis and get this over with so we can leave this god-forsaken excuse for a country!’

Liam was about to point out that it was ‘necropolis’, but decided it was just not the best time and obediently got the horses ready. Hours later he realised he had left their dinner completely forgotten on the campfire.

 

_29 th of Prairial, 996_

With another swing of his shortsword, prince Louis decapitated the last of the zombies that had attacked them the moment they set foot in the Necropolis of Anpool. ‘See, Liam?’ he said to the squire, cleaning his sword before sheathing it. ‘I told you these undead scums couldn’t be that tough. I mean, they’ve already died once. Can’t be that hard to kill them again.’

Liam came out from behind the rock he had been hiding in. Honestly, not only did he had to run away from walking corpses, but he was also basically desecrating an ancient graveyard with such a huge cultural importance to his motherland’s nemesis that they could be hanged if anyone found out. And what for? So his master could find a hypothetical bride? Seriously, what the fuck? Could he not just go talk with the ladies at one of the palace’s many balls and get to know them? Why did everything have to be so dangerous and complicated? Fucking traditions.

‘Come along, Liam. We’re almost there.’ The prince pointed at the biggest temple in the tallest hill in the necropolis. ‘I’m sure that’s where they’re keeping the princess hostage.’

‘The _hypothetical_ princess,’ Liam whispered to himself, annoyed.

‘What was that?’

‘Nothing, sire.’

‘Then hurry up.’

They kept walking up that hill as the sky started to get darker. Great: now they were fighting zombies and desecrating a tomb _at night_. He would not be surprised if they found some kind of demon-worshiping cult inside. ‘“Be a squire”, Mum said. “It’ll be fun”, she said.’

When they finally reached the gates of the temple, they were surprised to be greeted by the remains of several people in a very advanced state of decomposition. They could have not been anything but zombies.

‘Someone’s already killed these monsters,’ Louis said.

‘But who, sire?’

They were answered by the sound of grunts and steel clashing coming from inside the temple. When Louis’ eyes got used to the dim dark and saw what was inside, he was this close to start foaming at the mouth. Right there, dispatching the last zombie with his longsword, was prince Harry.

‘What the fuck are _you_ doing here?!’ the Cavoiese prince roared.

Harry, who was about to sheathe his sword, raised it towards the noise, ready to kill whatever originated it. When he saw Louis, he could not help let a little laugh out. ‘Well, well, well, if it isn’t the curvy prince.’

Louis’ hand held tight on the hilt of his sword, ready to pull it out at any moment for a duel. ‘Don’t call me that! What are you doing here? Are you following us or what?’

‘Following you?’ Harry laughed. ‘You wish. May I remind you that _this_ is my country and I should be the one asking you, what are _you_ doing here?’

Like hell he was going to tell Harry about the princess. He was not as stupid as to basically hand her over to him. ‘That’s none of your business, pointy-ears.’

‘Of course it’s my business!’ Harry said. ‘This is one of _my_ country’s most important historic places and you—a Cavoiese, no less!—expect me to stand still while you just walk in and desecrate it?’

‘To be fair,’ Liam stepped in, sure he would regret it later, ‘aren’t you doing the same right now?’

_He actually does have a point there,_ thought Louis. _Maybe this punk already knows about the princess?_

Before any of the princes could say anything, a scream and a shout came from deep inside the temple. ‘Sire!’ the voice of Harry’s servant came. ‘Ye ain’t gonna like this!’

‘What is it, Niall?!’ the elven prince did not actually wait for an answer, instead running towards the voice. Obviously, Liam and Louis followed behind, the later with his shortsword already drawn.

After running through a long corridor, they arrived to a circular room surrounded by columns and torches, in the middle of which was an ominous-looking altar. On the altar lied the blond servant and a beautiful elven woman with blond, wavy hair and sharp features. _The princess!_ Louis thought. Both were tied down, but the servant was also gagged.

‘Oh, brave knights,’ said the maid, ‘thank the gods you are here! Please, save us!’

Niall tried to shout something, but it was impossible to understand him. Both princes ran towards them, paying more attention to the woman than to the servant.

‘Are you alright, milady?’ asked Louis.

‘Excuse me,’ Harry interrupted. ‘I saw her first.’

‘The hell you did.’

‘My lords, please don’t fight,’ said the woman. ‘There’s no time to lose. Please, unbind me before he arrives!’

For some reason, her voice was like music to their ear. It prompted them to stop arguing and even help each other cut the rope. It even hypnotised Liam, who just stood there, looking at her beautiful face. Niall, whom they have practically forgotten about, was trying to move, but he was bound so tight he could do nothing to prevent the two princes from falling into the trap.

Once the woman was freed, she smiled at them, and the three men smiled back. The woman’s smile then turned into a laugh that became more and more unsettling. ‘You fools!’ she shouted, as her hair started to turn white, her skin purple and her eyes became entirely crimson. ‘I love how easily mortals are to manipulate.’ The woman grew to about fifteen feet in size as Louis, Harry and Liam came out of the enchantment. Niall rolled his eyes. ‘Thanks for freeing me, puny mortals. For six hundred years I’ve been trapped in this room; but now, I will again enslave this land as I did in the past!’

Before the princes and Liam could act, she clapped her hands, creating a shock wave that threw them and their weapons several feet away from her. Even Niall was sent flying against one of the columns, which let him unconscious.

‘What the fuck is that thing?!’ Louis cried.

‘Is she a demon?’ asked the squire, scared. He had never seen one, but he had heard the legends about them and he did not like them one bit.

‘Even worse,’ said Harry. ‘She’s a devil!’

‘What do you mean? What’s the bloody difference?!’

‘They _are_ different, Lewis! Demons use brute force to destroy whatever gets in their path. Devils want to conquer and slave. They are cunning little shits!’

‘Excuse you! It’s Louis, not fucking Lewis!’ protested the human prince.

‘Of all I just said that’s the only thing you care about?!’

‘At least get the fucking name right, _Harold_!’

Liam’s scream of terror stopped their bickering. The purple devil was holding him by the neck as he struggled in her grasp.

‘Sire! Please, help me, sire!’

‘Such a lovely-looking young man! I can think of so many things I can do with you.’

As annoying as the boy was sometimes, Louis considered Liam to be more than his servant; he was his friend, and you could bet he would never let anything bad happen to him! Wasting no time, he took his sword from the floor and charged towards the devil. She was so busy with her new toy that she barely saw the prince coming at her. Louis swung his weapon at her, hoping to slash through her right leg, but her skin was apparently too thick and all he got was a cut. Nevertheless, it seemed to hurt the devil enough to get her attention and turn her away from the squire.

‘You’ll pay for this, you insignificant human! I was going to keep you as my slave, but I guess you’ll be an even better dinner!’

The devil let go of Liam, who fell butt first on the floor and was relieved to be able to breathe easily at last. The creature then launched at Louis, ready to tear him apart with her sharp claws. Thanks to his years of training, Louis managed to deflect most of them. However, one of the devil’s attacks hit him right in his hand and sent the sword feet away from them. ‘Aha!’ she shouted triumphantly before attempting to slash at him again, expecting to feel his tender flesh tear under her claws. What she felt instead was the cold touch of Harry’s sword. Unlike with Louis’ sword, the devil’s skin was cut right through and part of the monster’s hand fell off.

‘Impossible!’ she cried in pain. ‘Regular weapons can’t hurt me!’

‘I know!’ said Harry. ‘That’s why mine’s been silvered!’

‘You arsehole! That’s cheating!’

The devil tried to attack him again, but with another blow of his longsword, Harry cut one of her arms, making her screech from the pain.

‘Go back to whatever dimension you come from, you evil creature!’

The devil was visibly furious and jumped at Harry without thinking. Harry raised his sword towards her and the devil impaled herself on it. With a last scream of pain, the devil vanished in an explosion of dark purple light. Then everything got quiet.

Prince Louis had mixed feelings about the whole thing. On the one hand, he had survived, which was great; on the other hand, it was Harry, and not him, who had killed the devil. ‘Cavoiese prince left in shame as Grafordian prince saves him from a devil’ did not sound good at all. When Harry tried to help him up, Louis refused and got up on his own.

‘Liam!’ he called. ‘Where are you? We’re leaving now!’

Liam had run to the other servant and was trying to wake him up. ‘Sire, I think he needs help,’ he said.

‘I said now!’ Louis never took no for an answer, especially from a servant.

Liam doubted for a moment whether to obey his master or do the good thing and help the little elf, risking a punishment later. Reluctantly, he left the servant in the hands of the other prince and followed his master.

‘We should make sure he’s alright, sire,’ the squire said once they found their way out of the temple.

‘Let that bloody elf take care of it. His servant, his problem.’

_Well, you never take care of me when I’m in need, but alright, whatever_ , he thought as he helped his master get on his horse and rode out of the necropolis.

 

_2 nd of Vendémiaire, 997_

More than three months after the battle with the devil in the Necropolis of Anpool, Louis and Liam started hearing stories about a red dragon that had suddenly taken residence in the mountains of the Emirate of Ash-Shamal. At first it only hunted sheep and cows, but lately had gotten around kidnapping young women too. The emir did nothing about this since most of the women were plebs or had a bad reputation, but hell broke loose when his own daughter got caught scarcely a week before. Word spread like wild fire through every kingdom and in no time Louis decided to try his luck again and travelled to the emirate with his trusty squire.

It took them weeks to get to their destination and when they did, the prince would not stop complaining about the weather. ‘Why did we even come here? It’s too hot and too humid! My clothes are sticking to my skin! _Ugh!_ ’

Liam, who had to put up with both his master and the heat, was seriously contemplating the option of leaving Louis there, come back to Cavoie, marry some nice lass, have a bunch of kids and make a home. If only his master were not the bloody prince. He would be stuck with him for a long, _long_ time.

It was a pity Louis was too busy complaining to take in the beautiful landscape: the colourful mountains that protected the south-west of the country, and the place where the dragon had supposedly made his lair, were a breath-taking image, rising in the distance as the two Cavoiese travellers reached the capital city of Qaiwa.

As they walked through the smell of spices in the streets of the city, Liam could not help but marvel at how different this place was to his home. ‘Have you seen that, sir?’ he asked several times, pointing at everything with awe. Louis, however, just laughed it off.

‘How easily distracted you are, Liam. Hope you don’t get burnt by the dragon for looking at his shiny scales,’ he said.

An hour later, Liam was rolling his eyes as his master got distracted with the merchandise of a shady-looking jeweller.

 

_4 th of Vendémiaire, 997_

They departed early in the morning of the day after the one in which they arrived, planning on getting to the dragon’s lair by evening. However, they miscalculated and arrived some time past midnight, making camp near their destination. They could not risk lighting up a fire, so Liam had to stand his master protesting over the lack of a hot dinner and the cold mountain air. ‘How is it possible,’ asked the prince, ‘that this place is hotter than an oven during the day, but colder than a hag’s tit by night? How do people even survive here?’

Liam refused to comment. Louis would get tired eventually. At least he hoped so.

They woke up early the next morning, not rested enough to fight a dragon, perhaps, but there was nothing else they could do about it. They picked up their things and kept climbing towards the entrance, which could be seen from where they stood.

‘Liam, did you bring that book about dragons from Father’s library?’ Louis asked.

‘Was I supposed to bring it, sire?’

‘Okay, never mind. I think I still remember what it said. Red dragons were immune to acid, right?’

‘I think those were the black ones, sire. The red ones are immune to fire.’ _Please, tell me his plan isn’t to try to burn the dragon_ , Liam thought to himself.

‘Yes! Yes, you’re right. Red dragons are immune to fire ‘cause they breath fire. Makes sense.’

‘How are you planning on killing it, sire?’ _Please, don’t say with fire, please, don’t say with fire._

‘Honestly, I was just hoping my new sword would be enough,’ the prince said, pointing at his new shortsword with a silvered blade. As much as he hated to admit it, he had taken the idea from the prince of Graford. Having a regular sword had almost cost his life in the necropolis, so this time he was prepared. Apart from the magic sword, they had brought with them some potions, poisons and bottled spells, since none of them knew how to cast and actual spell.

‘You sure it’ll be enough?’

‘Let’s hope it is, Liam. I mean, we can always bombard it with spells.’

Liam started to pray to all the gods he knew.

 

It took them about an hour to get to the entrance of the dragon’s lair. At first sight, the cave seemed way too small for a dragon. Louis guessed it must have been barely a hundred feet deep and, as far as he could see, it was completely empty. However, they both knew what they had to look for; in the middle of the cave, difficult to see in the dark, was a big pit. Down that pit they would find the actual lair.

‘Liam, get the ropes ready. We’re going down.’

Carefully, the squire took out the ropes, but when he got nearer to the pit, he saw two other ropes already there, secured to two big rocks and going down into the darkness of the hole.

‘Er, sire?’

‘What is it now, Liam?’

‘I think someone’s already here…’

‘What?!’ the prince exclaimed, running to his servant. When he saw the ropes, his face turned red and he clenched his teeth. ‘Well, you know what? We’re using these! Hopefully whoever’s been here is still down there. No one’s getting this princess before me! Come on, Liam!’

As they climbed down the ropes, the squire asked himself if it was too late to change his profession. Why did he not just buy a farm?

As expected, the place was absolutely dark and it was impossible to discern a single shape. At first it felt as if the pit had no bottom, but thankfully soon enough they reached the end of it. The first thing they touched was water, but it was not too deep and barely reached their waists.

‘Liam, light up a torch,’ Louis said.

‘But sire, wouldn’t that tell the dragon where we are?’

‘Dragons can see in the dark, so I’d rather be able to see it too. Light it up, come on.’

Reluctantly, Liam lit up one of the torches they have brought with them.

The cave must have been huge, since all they could see in the torch’s dim light was the water surrounding them. They could not see any walls around them, but they could notice a strong smell of sulphur and smoke coming from somewhere in the cave.

‘Where should we start, sire?’ asked Liam.

The prince seemed to ponder for a moment. He actually had no idea where to start.

‘Maybe we should just walk until we find a wall,’ he finally said. ‘Just be careful where you step.’

They started to walk in a random direction and, luckily, they got out of the shallow pond and reached one of the walls of the cavern soon.

‘Not as big as I expected,’ said Louis.

‘Well, a single torch doesn’t really give that much light.’ Before Louis could add something, the servant interrupted: ‘And no, sire, we can’t afford to light up another one, so don’t even bother asking.’

Liam was lucky the prince considered him almost a friend. Otherwise, that insubordination could have cost him dearly.

They decided to hug the wall and keep walking to their left. Soon they noticed how the terrain went up, like a slope. They then found themselves in a corridor—which they identified by the fact that they could finally see two walls at each side of them. When at last the corridor opened up in a new room, both men’s mouths gaped at the side in front of them: illuminated by the light of the torch, a vast treasure filled the cave. There were coins, candelabras, precious stones, chalices, religious symbols made of gold and silver, anything one could think of.

However, there were also two certain elves amongst the treasure.

‘Oh, for feic sake!’ said Niall.

Prince Louis’ face went from his fashionably tan to just plain red with rage. He thought it lucky the lighting was bad so the elves could not see it. What Louis ignored was that elves could actually see in the dark. This would later explain why they were not using torches or any other source of light, but for the moment being, it flew right over the human prince’s head.

‘Well, well, if it isn’t my friend Lewis,’ Harry said sarcastically. ‘Missed me so much you followed us again?’

‘First of all, I’ve already told you it’s Louis, you illiterate fuck! Second of all, you’re the ones following us again!’

‘Having in mind that we’ve arrived first, it’s more likely the other way around. And you brought good old Leeyum with you!’ he added, mispronouncing Liam’s name with that weird accent of his.

‘Nice torch ye got there,’ Niall laughed.

‘So I’m guessing the ropes are yours, then,’ said Liam.

‘What? You used our ropes?’ asked the elven prince. ‘Couldn’t you use your own? What if prince Big Butt here broke it with his weight? Those are very expensive, I’ll let you know!’

Louis groaned louder than he intended: the echo travelled to the other side of the big cavern, where the dragon had been asleep until now. Without their knowledge, it walked silently and carefully towards the source of the noise that had woken it up. Meanwhile, the four intruders kept arguing with each other. Well, actually, only Harry and Louis were actually properly arguing: Liam and Niall were just kind of acting as their respective master’s hype man. _Honestly,_ the dragon thought, _this must be the easiest prey I have ever found._

Niall was the first one to see the dragon. ‘Sire!’ he screamed to alert Harry and jumped to one side to hide behind some statues.

‘Get back!’ Harry shouted, shoving the other prince and Liam to a side. The latter almost threw the torch to the floor—not that it was doing a lot anyway. Harry, who could see the beast clearly thanks to his elf-eyes, was actually expecting a bigger dragon, to be honest: it was about ten feet tall and fifteen long, no big deal.

The red dragon stood in its hind legs, confronting the elf. ‘Who dares invade my lair?’ it shouted in what sounded like a deep female voice. ‘I am Azar, daughter of the great Zahra! Indeed, you shall be lucky to be devoured by me! Speak your name!’

‘I am Harry, prince of Graford, and I’m here to save the princess you’ve kidnapped!’ the elf answered, his sword already unsheathed. ‘Free her now and you can leave somewhere else! If you don’t, I shall smite you, fiend!’

The dragon, amused, laughed. ‘Kidnapped? Ha! Men are so simple! I’ll incinerate you just for that!’

Azar took a deep breath and the inside of her mouth started to light up with fire. Harry was able to dodge the fireball thanks to his quick reflexes and training, jumping in the same direction Niall had gone before. The blast of fire had such force it created a big crater on the floor of the treasure room that kept burning. The fire illuminated the whole cave and now Liam and Louis could see the dragon perfectly.

‘Now’s our chance!’ prince Louis said. ‘Get the spells ready, Liam!’

‘Yes, sire!’

Liam got the bag where they kept the flasks with bottled spells out and looked through them for something that could be of use. Very useful, these spells: a spellcaster could just simply gather some ingredients, do a little ritual and _presto!_ , you got yourself a ready-to-use, portable spell without the hustle of going through years and years of magic education—for a reasonable price, that is. _This shite ain’t cheap, mate_ , as the wizard they had purchased them from had put it.

Liam read the labels on the bottles. Fire spells were _absolutely_ out of the question. Healing spells, now those would come in handing if they had troubles with that overgrown lizard. Invisibility potion? Could be of use. When he saw the poisons, he wondered whether the book said anything about dragons being immune to them or not. Well, they had nothing to lose trying—except for the several golden coins it cost.

‘Try this, sire!’ he said, passing the green bottle with the ominous—yet clichéd—skull on the label. ‘Aim for the mouth, just in case!’

‘I know that!’ lied the prince, who planned on just throwing it in the dragon’s general direction.

Prince Harry had the dragon distracted, dodging her claws and tail as he tried to hit her with his weapon. Louis waited for the dragon to open her mouth to fire at them again and threw the poison, hoping his aiming was good enough to send the bottle right through her throat.

Azar swallowed almost without thinking. The effects did not manifest themselves immediately, but then it was very noticeable that something was happening to her. At first, she seemed disoriented, clawing at the air several feet away from Harry and throwing fireballs in random directions. Then she started to groan and to close her eyes tight, as if she was having a particularly bad headache. Lastly, she just collapsed on the floor.

‘What are you doing?!’ Harry protested at the human prince. ‘I already had her!’

‘And let a fairy have all the fun? Fuck no.’

‘Oh, ye’ve done feic up now!’ shouted Niall, jumping at the prince with the obvious intend to hurt him. Thankfully for Louis, Liam was fast enough to get in the way and stop the elf. ‘Lemme go! He called us faeries!’

The four men were so busy shouting at each other that none of them noticed the lights in the corridor growing brighter and the voices of women getting near.

‘What is all this ruckus?’ said one.

‘Azar, is everything okay?’ said another.

Liam seemed the first one to notice the elven women and could not help but stare at them. They had to be the most beautiful women he had ever seen! However, she learnt not to trust the sight of a beautiful woman after what happened in the necropolis. The other three noticed shortly after and did the same.

‘Ladies!’ said Louis. ‘This is your lucky day; I’m here to save you all!’

‘What are you on about?’ interrupted the other prince. ‘ _I_ am their saviour, not you! I got here first!’

The women looked at the men, confused.

‘But Liam and I killed the dragon!’ answered Louis.

Just as he uttered the words “killed the dragon,” the women noticed Azar lying on the floor of the cavern and all ran to her aid with tears in their eyes starting to flow.

‘What have you done?!’ they cried. ‘Monsters!’

Now the men were the one looking confused at the women.

‘Sorry,’ interrupted Harry, ‘but what’s going on here? Weren’t you kidnapped by the dragon?’

One of the women, the one with the best garments and jewels, looked at him, angry yet regal.

‘Kidnapped?’ she said. ‘Azar was our friend! We’re all here of our own volition! And you’ve killed her!’ She kept crying with the other women over the body of the dragon.

‘I’m really not getting it…’

‘Why would you prefer to live in a cave with a dragon than at home with your families?’ asked Liam.

‘Because our families treat us like slaves?’ said one. ‘No one respects us because we’re women!’

‘Not even me, the princess!’ said the best-dressed one. ‘Can you believe I’m the emir’s oldest child, yet he would rather give my hand in marriage to some stupid prince than let me reign? All because I’m not _a boy_!’

There was a collective ‘Eeeew! Boys!’ in the room.

‘We were happy here because Azar treated us like we actually mattered. But now she’s dead!’

Their cries were interrupted by the dragon’s big moan.

‘By the merciful Sun Falcon! Azar, you’re alive!’ said the princess.

‘Yes, but it hurts so much…’ Azar groaned.

The princess stood up and looked at the men. She really did have the makings of a big queen; she must have not been more than fifteen, yet she projected a kind of aura that said ‘Bitch, I’m the queen. Do as I say or I’ll have your head!’

‘Which one of you did this to her?’ she demanded.

Harry and Louis pointed an accusatory finger at each other.

The princess rolled her eyes. ‘Men,’ she said with a sigh. ‘You better have an antidote or else be prepared for the consequences!’

 

As the dragon recovered thanks to the antidote Niall casually had in his backpack, the four men were vanished from the cave by the group of women. They climbed up the ropes again and were now standing outside the lair.

‘Well, that was a waste o’ time,’ murmured Niall. ‘Where to now, sire?’

‘Not to the emir’s palace, that’s for sure,’ the prince answered. ‘I’d rather have him thinking we died fighting the dragon than trying to tell him his daughter doesn’t want to come back.’

‘Yeah, he’d have our heads for that,’ added Louis. The elves looked at Louis with a frown. ‘What?’

‘It’s your fault we failed, you know?’ said Harry.

‘What?!’

‘You know I’m right. We were doing well until you two came along. We could have taken the princess before the dragon even noticed!’

‘Oh, so you’d just re-kidnap the princess again? Yeah, that’s a very good plan, genius.’

Both servants rolled their eyes at their masters fighting once again. Liam thought they could use their time better by trying to find another quest in which to embark themselves. Niall thought they could be using that time to go down the mountain and find some inn to eat and rest. Of course, they had no say in this: such was the life of a servant, doing all the work but never allowed to complain.

 

_29 th of Germinal, 997_

For almost a year, Louis and Harry kept looking for princesses to save. For almost a year, they kept bumping into each other, fighting like children and never really saving anyone. They had fought trolls, hags, elementals, bandits, evil warlocks, demons, vampires and even a hydra and two or three chimeras. In none of those cases did they manage to save anyone: the princess in question was either an impostor, decided not to go with any of them or was eaten by some monster while they bickered over technicalities. In one particular, awkward case they ended up being saved by the crown princess of Galieza instead of the other way around.

Although both princes had earnt a good reputation as adventurers and beast slayers across every country, the fact that they were still unmarried while all the other princes were already wedded—and some even expecting their first child—went unnoticed to no one. This made the two princes even bitterer.

Their servants, however, had become rather friendly towards each other over these months. They would share stories of their masters and tips on how to clean blood stains or how to carry big loads without hurting their backs. When they happened to meet at the same inn, they would even share a room when it was available; otherwise they slept on the same straw bedding in the stables.

Now, Louis and Liam were back in Cavoie for the king’s birthday. They were to stay no less than a fortnight at the request of the queen, who missed her son after such a long time. Liam accepted gladly, happy to finally have some rest. Louis agreed reluctantly.

Three days before the king’s birthday, Louis, unable to sleep, had decided to stop tossing in bed and went for a walk through the corridors of the great palace. He was clad only in his nightgown since Cavoie was rather warm this time of year. He wore nothing underneath.

He ended up in the great hall of mirrors, named thus because of the long mirrors covering the walls of the room. He did not expect to see anyone there and indeed the place was deserted. He stood in front of one of the mirrors and disrobedhimself. He looked at his naked reflection, inspecting every scar and every burn he had gotten since he left the palace searching for a wife. _At this pace_ , he thought, _I’ll look like one of those flesh golems before the New Year, all covered in stitches and discoloured skin patches_.

Something behind him moved in the dark, or so he thought he saw in the mirror’s reflection. He picked his nightgown from the floor and covered himself quickly.

‘Who’s there?!’ he shouted. All he got was his own echo. _There?! There?! There?!_

Instinctively, Louis went to draw his sword before remembering that he was completely unarmed and defenceless, his bravado completely gone. Before his brain could react and command his body to run away, something jumped behind him and hit him in the back of the head.

The prince lost consciousness almost instantly.

 

_Unknown date, 997_

Louis had been taken to some dark and damp place, possibly a cavern, but he could not be sure due to the poor visibility. Even when his kidnappers came to check on him and force feed him what tasted like the most horrible meals he had ever had, they did so in absolute darkness, not caring about lighting up torches or candles. This made him think they could be elves. Damn those elves and their darkvision!

By their voices, Louis had concluded that there were at least two men and one woman, but then there was a fourth voice that could either belong to a woman or a boy whose voice was in the process of changing. It was one of those ambiguous voices and, without a face, it could be either one or the other. They all spoke in some strange language Louis did not recognise.

He did not know how long they had kept him there or how long they planned on keeping him hostage. What did they even want? It was not ransom, that was for sure; his family would have either paid it immediately or send a rescue team. He was the heir to a whole kingdom! Surely the whole country wanted him back as soon as possible, right?

 

_Another unknown date, 997_

After what seemed like days—or so Louis’ growing beard indicated—his captors brought in something more than food.

‘Get off me!’ someone new shouted and, by the noises, he was giving the kidnappers a heel of a fight. ‘Get off me right this moment or so help me!’

Louis recognised the new voice. The universe had a really, really ironic sense of humour.

‘Louis?’ the voice asked after the other four were able to tie him down. ‘Is that you?’

‘You tell me; you’re the one who can see in the dark, unlike some of us here.’ He was glad to see his sarcasm was intact even after such a long time. How long had it been, anyway? ‘Tell me you know what day it is.’

‘It was the 21st of Rain’s Hand when I was taken. Not sure if it’s still the same day. Oh, sorry, I forgot you guys use some weird calendar. I think for you it’d be 2nd of Floréal?’

Only three days? Well, it felt a lot longer. Good news was, his father was probably still assembling a search party big enough to find him in no time.

_It won’t take long_ , he thought.

 

_Still unknown date, 997_

‘For fuck’s sake, how much longer is Father gonna take?!’

It was impossible to know the date; the captors brought their meals whenever they pleased, not following any kind of schedule _at all_. Outrageous!

At least know he had an idea of how their captors looked like: it turned out the fourth person was a young woman after all, but one of the men was so sexually ambiguous not even Harry knew what he was, if he was anything at all.

‘These days,’ he had told Louis, ‘you never know.’

They were all elves, as Louis suspected, but Harry did not know what language they spoke either, so that completely destroyed Louis’ theory of a Grafordian conspiracy. He was a bit disappointed, honestly.

Over the days—or at least what they considered to be days—they had become a little friendlier towards each other. Captivity made for strange bedfellows. Yes, even Harry and Louis.

‘Can I ask you a question?’ Harry said one day.

‘What?’

‘Are you wearing anything under that thing? Cause I think I can see your naughty bits.’

Louis had forgotten about the fact that he was only wearing his nightgown. He suddenly became really self-conscious about his nakedness. ‘You can’t choose what to wear when you’re kidnapped. What about you?’

‘What about me?’

‘What are you wearing?’ It took Louis a couple of seconds to realise how that question sounded. ‘I didn’t mean it like that!’ Harry laughed, which made Louis even more nervous. ‘I mean, I can’t see shit in here!’

Harry laughed a bit more before answering, his voice echoing slightly on the walls. ‘Well, they took me in my sleep, so I didn’t have much of an option either.’

‘So you’re in your pyjamas, I guess.’

‘Actually, I sleep naked,’ he said. ‘Nice nightgown, by the way.’

 

_We swear, we have no idea what date it is yet, 997_

As time went by, it seemed clearer that they were not going to be saved any time soon. So the princes decided that, if no one was going to rescue them, they would plan their way out themselves. If you want something done, you better do it yourself.

The first step was getting rid of the ropes they were bound with. Harry did most of the job, as he was the only one able to look for anything sharp in the cave—Harry had described the place to Louis as a room badly carved in a mountain rather that a natural cave—which was not that difficult since their captors had lowered their guard over the days and had left some items forgotten there. Among these things was a small knife they used to cut the food they gave them. The difficult part now was moving towards it, picking it up and then being able to cut the ropes.

It took Harry an apparent whole day to reach it, not counting their kidnappers’ interruptions, during which they had to make up some lie about how cold the cave was and that they had to cuddle up for warmth. It turned out the captors did not seem to speak their language either, judging by their faces. Either that or they were getting the wrong idea about the whole scene. Either way, they never suspected a thing about their plan.

At night, while the other slept, Harry took the knife and started cutting his ropes. It was a difficult task, but he finally succeeded. Once he was free, he cut Louis’. He stood up in the dark, caressing his wrist which had become sore with the constant contact with the ropes.

‘We should get some clothes,’ said Harry. ‘Don’t feel like going home naked. You could use some too.’

‘And where are we supposed to get them, genius?’ said Louis, although not in a mean way as he would have done before, but rather in a banter-like way.

‘I have an idea,’ answered the elf. Louis could not see it, but Harry was looking at their kidnappers, who did not look that intimidating asleep, and their leather garments. ‘Take one of these,’ he said, picking up a club from a corner of the cave-room. ‘We gon wreck some shit up in here.’

 

Minutes later, all four of their captors lied unconscious on the floor. Two of them, the tallest one and the curvier one, had had their clothes taken away by Harry, who was now putting some on.

‘It’s a bit small for me,’ he said, ‘and it’s chafing a bit on the nether regions, but it’ll have to do, I guess.’

‘Don’t complain,’ said the other prince, who was still dressed just in his nightgown. He had to wait until they got some source of light to be able to see the clothes he was going to wear. He had never missed daylight as much as he did now. ‘Let’s go before they wake up.’

 

The sunlight hit their eyes as soon as they reached the exit, blinding them for a couple of seconds. Both princes shouted a ‘Fuck!’.

Once their eyes got adjusted to the light, they saw where they were and the place looked familiar to them. Why, it was the same forest they had met a year before! How ironic. The universe, I swear.

‘Well, no wonder they couldn’t find us,’ pointed out Harry. ‘This place is in the middle of nowhere.’

‘At least it won’t take us long to get back to our homes,’ added Louis before he started to put the stolen clothes on. He tossed his nightgown aside—it was too dirty and besides he had plenty more at home—and, although he did not notice, Harry did not take his eyes of his naked body.

There was an awkward silence once Louis was completely dressed again, as if none of them knew what to say.

‘So,’ Harry said finally, ‘I guess this is goodbye.’

‘Yeah. But knowing us, we’ll see each other again soon. We always do anyway.’

‘True. So, it’s just bye for now, then.’

‘Yeah… Although, do you know which way is south?’ asked Louis. ‘Shouldn’t we stay together until we find a town or something where we can ask for direction and horses? That’ll be safer, I reckon.’

Harry smiled. ‘You’re right. Let’s hope we don’t get lost in the forest first.’ They then took off.

 

It took them the rest of the day—apparently they had managed to escape in the morning—to get out of the woods and into the nearest village. It was a small place with barely a dozen houses and a tiny inn. They recognised the horses of Cavoie's royal guard in the stable as well as from Graford's. Even before they entered, Louis could hear people fighting. Inside, soldiers from both countries were punching and kicking each other. The poor innkeeper was hiding behind the counter, her voice too soft to be heard over the ruckus. 'Please, sirs... If you could... Please, don't throw that... Oh... Those were my grandfather’s ashes…' The poor woman was too scared to bring any of the soldiers' attention to herself.

When the door closed behind Harry, they noticed them.

'Your majesty!' both groups shouted at their respective princes. 'We've found you!' Before the two boys got any chance to explain anything, the guards had already decided the others' prince had kidnapped the other, starting to fight again.

It took them a while to make them stop and listen to what had really happened, but they got there in the end. Half of each royal guard decided to go back to the forest and investigate while the other half were to escort each prince to their respective kingdoms, sending a bird with a message to inform both monarchs of the good news.

Louis and Harry bid each other farewell with a handshake and a hug and left, sure that they would see each other again very soon in their next adventure.

 

_22 nd of Brumaire, 1,020_

A lot can change in just a handful of years.

Firstly, Louis was married and was expecting his third child. Despite all the adventures he had been in searching for a princess, he never really succeeded. True, he had rid the land of innumerable dangers, but princesses were getting scarce and all of them were already saved, married or too young.

In the end, he was betrothed to the princess of the neighbouring elven kingdom of Chuacala, whom, after having her father changed the rules so a woman could be queen in her own right due to his lack of sons, was the heir. This meant that her and Louis' child would inherit both thrones, eventually uniting the kingdoms.

This union was planned by both kings as a way to achieve peace. After Louis returned home, the royal guard had sent a message informing about the kidnappers: they had found then and identified them as members of a Chuacalan rebellious group whose goal was to destroy the Cavoiese monarchy and allow their king to annexe the kingdom. They had kidnapped both princes in the hopes that Cavoie and Graford blamed each other and started a war. They then would take advantage of this to kill the royal family. Instead, Cavoie declared war on Chuacala, deeming the king responsible for the group’s activities.

After almost five years of war, the kings came to an agreement: they would unite their two kingdoms by marrying their respective heirs. They hoped this would make peace last between them.

Now the king of Cavoie had passed away and Louis was the new king. Along with his wife, they reigned over the United Kingdoms of Chuacala-Cavoie. This meant he had no time for more adventures, but he was not in need of more: he was already considered a brave hero by his subjects and even now, nearing his forty, he still inspired respect and admiration.

Harry had not been that lucky.

Barely a few years after the end of the war in Chuacala-Cavoie, Graford suffered a coup d’état at the hands of a group of revolutionary wizards. They exiled the royal family and established a magocracy. At Louis’ request, Harry and his family had migrated to the new kingdom, living in the royal castle as guests, where they could live safely without fearing persecution from the revolutionaries. Harry never became king and never married.

 

That night, Louis went through the different over-decorated corridors of the castle, looking for one particular room. Once he found it, he knocked and waited for an answer from inside.

‘Who is it?’ said Harry’s voice.

‘It’s me, Louis,’ he said. ‘May I come in?’

‘You know you don’t need to ask, your Highness,’ said the other with a laugh. ‘Yes, you can come in.’

Louis opened the door and there he found Harry playing chess with himself. He had not aged at all in the two decades they had known each other. Damned elf blood. Even if Harry was almost a whole century older than Louis, he still looked like he was in his early twenties. Louis, on the other hand, already had grey hairs here than there and expression lines on his face.

‘Playing by yourself again?’ the king asked.

‘Care to join?’

‘With pleasure.’

He sat in front of Harry as he put the pieces back in their starting positions. He made the first move.

‘Pawn to d4,’ said Harry. ‘So, I’ve heard you have a new baby.’

‘You heard right. Pawn to d5. Another boy,’ said Louis.

‘I see. Let’s hope there are enough princesses to save when they get older. Pawn to c4.’

Louis immediately thought of sending his pawn to c4 and capture it, but he guessed Harry was planning something—why else would he left a piece in danger like that?—so he sent a new pawn to e6. Harry followed with knight to c3, to which the king answered with pawn to c6.

‘What’s his name, then?’ asked Harry. ‘Also, pawn to e3.’

‘We haven’t decided yet, but his mother is most likely going to give him one without my knowledge, just as with the other two. Knight to f6.’

‘That’s not very nice. Especially when she gives then those weird names. Knight to f3.’

‘Knight from b to d7. I know. She says it’s part of her culture, but honestly, they sound like made-up names.’

‘What were the other two called again? Bishop to d3.’

‘Omacal and Coatli, and I’m not sure at all that’s how they’re meant to be pronounced. Bishop to d6.’

Harry then castled his king and Louis imitated him just in case.

‘You should be proud, though,’ said Harry. ‘You have the first ever half-bred royal family in history. Congratulations. Pawn to e4.’

‘Don’t call my children half-breeds. You make it sound like we’re talking about horses. Pawn to e4 and I take yours,’ he said, taking the piece out.

‘It’s true, though. Knight to e4,’ he added, capturing Louis’ pawn. ‘Think about it. The emperors of Fujimiya? All elves. The queens of Galieza? All humans. The emirs of the Elven Emirates? Each and every single one of them elves.’ Louis interrupted him by sending his knight to e4 and capturing another piece. Harry answered by capturing this one with his bishop and continued: ‘The kings of Aerelm. Dwarves. The dukes of Chitan. Gnomes. All the members of my family have been elves since the beginning of our house. It’s refreshing to see a bit of new blood around the block, that’s all.’

Louis pondered his next move. Harry was definitely planning something here. ‘Yes, that’s true, but just don’t refer to them as half-breeds. Plus, I’m your king now and I could get your head for insulting the princes,’ he joked. ‘Knight to f6.’

Harry retired his bishop to c2 with a smile. ‘Yes, your highness. May the gods strike me down if I make fun of the royal arse.’

‘Pawn to h6. And laugh all you like, but you love the royal arse.’

Harry smirked and rose and eyebrow. ‘My, my, I don’t think that language is appropriate for a king, _sire_. Bishop to e3.’

‘Oh, shut up. Don’t act that surprised. Rook to e8. I’ve heard you say worse things.’

‘Only in bed, though. Queen to d3. Doesn’t seem appropriate for an innocent game of chess.’

‘There’s nothing innocent about chess when it’s you playing. Queen to c7.’

‘If you say so,’ said Harry. ‘Pawn to c5.’

Honestly, Louis did not know where Harry was trying to go with those moves. Even after years playing with him, he was unable to read what he was going to do.

‘Bishop to f8,’ the king said.

‘Knight to e5. By the way, I’ve got a letter from Niall and Liam.’

‘How are they? Haven’t seen them since their wedding. Aha! Bishop to c5!’ he said, capturing another pawn.

‘They’ve bought a new cow. Apparently the farm is doing better than expected. Bishop to h6.’ Harry had captured another of Louis’ pawns.

Louis moved his bishop to d4, capturing a pawn. Because of Louis’ marriage to an elf, it was decided that legalising interracial marriage was not only logical, but fair for their subjects. Ever since, Chuacala-Cavoie had seen the number of interracial couples rise. Same-sex marriages came shortly after Louis became king, allowing his two friends—who had been living together for years now—to finally get the wedding they wanted. Liam did buy a farm in the end and him and Niall lived happily there, selling their produce. Harry answered sending his queen to d4, capturing Louis’ bishop. Louis was so distracted thinking about Liam and Niall that he had not seen it coming.

‘Hey!’ the king protested.

‘What?’

‘You distracted me!’

‘Not my fault. Pay attention.’

Louis furrowed his brown and then moved. ‘Pawn to h6,’ he declared, capturing a bishop.

‘Queen to f4.’

Louis was forced to move his knight to d5 to protect it from the queen, which Harry then moved to h6, getting too close to Louis’ king for his liking. If he moved it, it would be the end of the match, so instead he moved his pawn to f6.

Harry smiled.

‘What?’ Louis asked.

‘No, nothing. Pawn to f4.’

‘You’re up to no good. I know that face.’ Louis pondered his move for a while until deciding to send his rook to e7.

‘Knight to g6,’ Harry said. ‘I’m going to capture your rook if you don’t move it.’

Why would he tell him that? Louis was suspicious. Harry had done this before; he would give Louis advice on a move, expecting him to do the opposite, and then he would utterly destroy him. Reverse psychology. Well, not this time, mister! Louis moved the rook back to safety in e8. He realised his mistake too late.

‘No! Wait!’ he tried to beg, but to no avail.

Harry just smiled. ‘Queen to h8. Check.’

Louis tried to save his king by placing him in f7, but the game was already over.

‘Queen to h7. Check mate,’ declared the elf.

The king looked at the board absolutely bamboozled.

‘See? This is why I prefer backgammon,’ said Louis, reclining himself on the chair, defeated.

‘Of course you do. It’s the only game you’re good at.’

They both laughed. Louis got up from his chair and sat on Harry’s lap. God, he looked so young. It was not fair.

Harry smiled at him. ‘Why, hi there.’

‘Hi.’

‘Shouldn’t you be with your wife and kids?’

‘Meh. They have better things to do, I guess. Plus, I enjoy these little rendezvous with you.’

They stayed like that for a while, without uttering a single word. They did not need to. They had been meeting like this for years. No one else knew, not even Liam and Niall. Louis thought about this and it saddened him. It saddened him that they had to hide from the rest just because of a fucking crown. He wished someone would come and overthrow him just as they did with Harry’s family. That way, they could at last be together. But no, the people were too happy with the king and queen. Maybe it was time to become an evil tyrant or something.

‘What are you thinking about?’ asked Harry finally, noticing the sad look in the king’s eyes.

‘Of how old I look compared to you. And it’s only gonna get worse, you know?’

‘Don’t say that.’

‘I mean it. One day, I’m gonna be all shrivelled up, decrepit and not even able to control my own shit, and when that time comes, you’re still gonna be young and beautiful, just like now.’

‘I don’t care. I’ll be there for you until the very end.’

‘You sure?’

‘Always.’

Louis smiled and kissed him just like he had kissed him in secret all those years.

**Author's Note:**

> I am absolutely not sorry for that blatant copy of H. Pillsbury vs. S. Winawer (Budapest, 1896) chess match.
> 
> No dragons were harmed during the making of this story (as much as they tried to).
> 
> Special thanks to my beta for doing absolutely nothing and leaving me hanging. You da best! And then people ask me why I have trust issues.


End file.
